One Year After Divorce: Milestones and Healing By Najla Borjini

Today, January 25th, 2025, is going to be the first divorce anniversary, another milestone to be added to the list of firsts that came along. Some of them hit hard, like the first time I’ve dropped off the kids to his place for a sleepover, and couldn’t stop crying all the way back home. 

January 17th is another date. The day we signed the marriage contract. And April 25th is the day we got married, so I don’t know if this interlapping of day and month was meant to mean something….

I wasn’t even planning on writing an epilogue to this event, but this opportunity came along and I thought why not? Maybe it’s an invitation from the universe for me to declutter the last unshared thoughts…

Nobody deserves divorce, because no one gets married thinking one day they will dump all these years and memories behind them, vaguely quoting James Sexton here.

It still hit hard, to see photos of us together, with our little family. Holidays are not easy to forget such “situationship”, and as much as I feel that everyday is lighter than the day before, I still feel sometimes that this journey isn’t clear, nor easy, and just random.

I didn’t look him in the eye the day of the divorce. I didn’t look at my right side in the court room where he was standing… We just walked in. It took us 7 minutes to answer the jury’s question, then walked out not knowing where this new walk of life is leading me to. 

And yet, today, we attend events for the kids together, birthdays, football games, concerts… we even celebrated New Year Eve together. 

Is it easy? Definitely not. Just like working hard to make a marriage work, it takes a lot of work to make a divorce work. Is it enjoyable? Sometimes it is, and sometimes we even enjoy a new layer of friendship that I didn’t know can exist or grow and cover the scars.

Is it righteous? Yes for the moment. Whatever it takes to protect my kids’ balance and well being.

If I were to highlight what has helped me through this journey, 3 steps would stand out. The first was spirituality (the surrender). Whether it was sound healing, kirtan, or reiki, each brought some calm to the pain. But these practices were like bandages on a wound that needed stitching. Therapy came next. I had to dig deeper, face my worst fears and insecurities. It was only when I was ready that restoring my faith in God (rising, the 3rd step) helped me get stronger and get the answers I needed. Every step came at the best timing when most needed.

Divorce is another aspect to my identity. It doesn’t fully identify me for sure. I am divorced yes, just like I am an expat, mediterranean, book lover… many colours to form a rainbow.

Does time heal? Hopefully. If one year made such a difference, I have high hopes for the future.

By Najla Borjini